2008-Chad Learns About The Oil Spill

by 2008-Chad

“Well thanks for bringing me to the future, Future-Me. I assume you brought me here to help stop whatever post-apocalypse doomsday has gripped the world. What is it? Did Dakota Fanning finally reach her 18th birthday and open a Hellgate?

No? Wait, why are we in Louisiana? You know we sunburn easily. I see you gesturing out onto the coastline. Why is the ocean full of chocolate syrup? Did a tanker of Nesquik get overturn by Green Peace? Haha, that’s good. Oil? That’s way too much black stuff to be oil. Dude, we’re like running out of that stuff back in 2008. Gas was five dollars the other day. Wolf Blitzer told me that there’s like no more oil. Corn Syrup Cars are the future man!Are you serious? A valve broke on one oil station and leaked all of this? Why, it almost seems like there’s a never-ending supply of oil. If something flows endlessly for three months, it’s either an evil Tolkien army or something we have a steady supply of.

Was Cheney right all along?

"Everyone stand and watch me carve my name into this desk. Badass."

So you’re telling me that people can come down to the shores here and just take away free buckets of oil?!? They’re just giving it away? It even comes with free birds and stuff in the oil?

"I'm going to name his Nightwing"

Jesus dude, I gotta get back to the past and tell the Hummer plant back home in Indiana not to close.

Put the gun down, Future Me. If you kill me it will create a time paradox.

Anyways, I gotta get back to 2008. I think Rachel is really into us. She totally texted back that we could hangout sometime. Gotta get back and make my move.

Why are you crying, Future Me?

Chad Quandt is Analogy Editor for Nonstop Karate.

About Chad Quandt

Writer for videogames, animation, the webcomic Suffrage. Master blocker in dodgeball. Barbecued with Corey Haim before he died.

Posted on July 20, 2010, in Chad Quandt, Pop Culture and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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