The Pope can just go ahead and fire his PR person.

The pope unveiled his new fashion hat this week. It’s….uh….

Can we just agree that Pope Benedict doesn’t need new PR. There’s no hope for the Pope to ever be cool. Catholicism is in a bad enough spot as it is with that whole raping-the-world’s-children-for-decades thing. The last thing kids need to feel welcome back in the church is the religious equivalent of their parents getting a Facebook account.It doesn’t help that Pope Benedict cannot take a picture without looking evil. It’s them sunken-in eyes. Even in the nicest photos he looks sinister.

"...I want the rebels killed immediately."

The problem isn’t the pope’s current image; it’s that he doesn’t even need an image. He’s the pope. Until Catholics die out (which is never going to happen unless they embrace contraception), we will know there is a Pope. It’s like “Big Brother”; I have not seen a single frame of footage of that show in over a decade, but I know it’s still out there. Somewhere in the distance aging hotties are fighting over hot tub sex. It’s reassuring to know it’s happening, despite it having no power over me. The Pope should be the same way.

Ctrl + A to Absolve Everyone

Pope, you don’t need to be on a computer.

Now granted, this doesn’t excuse the religious leaders from ignoring the modern times. There’s a difference between understanding that the founders of your particular rules of faith couldn’t possibly have foreseen the future and prepared for it entirely. Maybe edicts on proper diets might have been written differently if Matthew, Mark, Luke and John knew about Wahu’s Fish Tacos.

It should also be noted, I think I remember being playing against Pope Benedict in Resident Evil 4. Lame boss fight.

Chad Quandt is Analogy Editor for Nonstop Karate.

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About Chad Quandt

Writer for videogames, animation, the webcomic Suffrage. Master blocker in dodgeball. Barbecued with Corey Haim before he died.

Posted on July 30, 2010, in Chad Quandt, Pop Culture and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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