The “Fairly Oddparents” movie is making brave choices

There’s so many little details leaked about the “Fairly Oddparents” movie that I can’t but help think the creative forces behind it are the bravest mofos since Marty McFly let Buford “Mad Dog” Tannen shoot him in the chest (yes, he was wearing a plate under his shirt, but Buford could’ve gone for his head). Did anyone ask for this movie to be made? Are there other Nick properties that would translate easier to a live-action adaption? Neither of those questions matter. There are much more serious obstacles in their path, most that they seem to not care a bit about.

1) Drake Bell must really owe some Nickelodeon folks. Sure, “Drake and Josh” was his big break, but have you seen Josh recently?

Losing thirty pounds and starring in an indie where Ben Kingsley makes out with an Olsen Twin does wonders for your credibility. This is Bell’s time to shine. When Timmy Turner is given one last wish and has to choose between getting a giant sports car made of macaroni or bringing his dead grandmother back to life, you will weep in the theatre.

2) The original cartoon on Nickelodeon has already started to pass from children’s memories. There’s been a few TV movies, but kids are already wrapped up in “iCarly” and “Victorious” and “Kimberly.com”. Kids want a show, actress, soundtrack and fashion icon all rolled into one. What’s that Wiley E. Coyote? Animated antics about catching that Road Runner? Come back to us with a mixtape; then we’ll talk.

3) Kids are going to have nightmares of live-action Cosmo and Wanda.

These two characters in the show are lovable people who are wonderful to their kid, but I’m a little afraid Jason Alexander is going to trap me in a House of Mirrors with that wig.

4) The Comic-Con panel could have not been more boring.

Was this the only footage you guys have shot so far? Timmy riding by on his bike? A minute of dead screen? Just take that out of your preview, guys! At least you’d have the Crocker scene at the end; an acting performance that’s going to require a Herculean strength to transfer to live-action. When the director asks everybody in a panel full of your demographic and they respond with a pity clap, you got some work a head of you.

Wait, what? No. HOLD EVERYTHING.

This movie is directed by Savage Steve Holland, who gave us Better Off Dead. Nothing to worry about here, folks. This movie is in the best possible hands. I hope they’re saving this until award season. No, I’m not being internet sarcastic. This film is going to be a giant middle finger to moviegoers, as avant-garde as Natural Born Killers or that movie where John Waters made people eat poop.

Props to SDCCtoons for the footage.

Chad Quandt is Analogy Editor of Nonstop Karate

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About Chad Quandt

Writer for videogames, animation, the webcomic Suffrage. Master blocker in dodgeball. Barbecued with Corey Haim before he died.

Posted on August 9, 2010, in Chad Quandt, Movies, Television and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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