Monthly Archives: September 2010

Come Back to Us: Actors that need to break retirement


I’m Michael Jordan Years old today, North America. No, we’re not counting his stint with The Wizards. So I’m old, and considering retiring. With that segway done, here are some gods of acting who need to come out of retirement and back into our hearts. Read the rest of this entry


I was Lied to as a Child

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

Not the quote you’d expect to see on a blog that writes articles about video games, the Expendables, and why no one will have sex with us, but trust me, it’s relevant.

Raddest baby alive? Raddest baby alive.

Probably just for today.

I recently returned home to see one of my best friends get married. Two years ago, going home wasn’t a huge deal. I’d get onto a plane, read a book, and when I got off the plane I was in a different place, but everyone was pretty much the same. Maybe someone had a new place or a bigger TV, but for the most part my friends and I hung out, played video games, talked shit to each other, ate pizza, got stupid drunk, and were basically rad dudes being awesome together.

These guys are probably just raking it in.

In the past two years something happened. Everyone started growing up on me, getting real jobs with benefits, and in perhaps the greatest betrayal of bro-hymnity, got all married n’ shit.

And she could walk down the aisle to the Halo theme! It's perfect!

If everyone was going to grow up and get married and become adults, then why did I waste all that time writing “ride together, die together, Bad Boys for life” in the back of so many yearbooks and on pieces of broken chairs?*

Shit just got real.

*it’s a tradition in some cultures. Shut up.

We’re not riding together because we all separated. We’re not dying together because everyone decided to go out and mate for life, and it’s hard to be a Bad Boy when you’re looking at tile samples and wearing shirts with buttons on them.


So what else was I lied to about?

I’m glad you asked.
Read the rest of this entry

Destructobox: The Lint Trap

The latest episode of Destructobox features the voice talents of Indiana/Los Angeles friend and star, John Druska. You may know him best as Shaving-Wolverine-Guy or That Scared Dude in That Nextel commercial.

We never know what happens to Lint Man. Sequel? Spoiler alert?

You can check out more Destructobox, courtesy of Joey Reinisch and Phil McLaughlin at

Get lunch with Allison Brie, become The Stalker

Women filmmakers need support. It can be traumatic to be an ex-wife to James Cameron or have your work constantly compared to your father’s gift-from-god mobster movies. If this is a problem that strikes you right in the Sympathy Glands or you are a sex-driven Horn Man, then do I have the eBay auction for you!

You can bid to win a lunch with Community’s (not Mad Men’s) Allison Brie.

Think long and hard before you bid on this, internet/Matt. What would you actually do for an hour-long lunch with a person who doesn’t know you? Read the rest of this entry

“King of Fighters” movie is pretty much what you’d expect.

I was never a KoF guy. If I was going to play a fighting game, it would always be a tale of swords and souls or that game where you can materialize a giant laser cannon on your shoulder and vaporize your opponents away.

So I have no emotional investment in this franchise. The King of Fighters movie doesn’t shock me one bit. It’s a film wreck and I expect nothing less. Read the rest of this entry

For the Second Time in as Many Weeks: Derp

I spent Thursday through Sunday drunk.

I spent most of Saturday well soused, dancing like a guy who has no business dancing, and screaming the lyrics to rap songs from the early 90’s.

I regret nothing.

That’s why there’s no quality post for today.

However there is this:

Good Lord, how I hate Russell Brand.


Geek Triumphs: “Shiny Ponyta after 25968 encounters!!!”

You may be asking yourself several questions after watching this video (as long as you reached the 0:45 mark); what is a “shiny pokemon”? Where do I buy a three-pack GameBoy Advance? How come Sum 41 has a live album?

::opens up a large metal tome entitled “Nerd Knowledge”:: Read the rest of this entry