Fanfiction No One Asked For: Star Kid

Internet, there is no erotic fanfiction for the children’s scifi film, Star Kid (directed and written by Michael Bay. What?!?). I fixed that for you.  This takes place years after Star Kid becomes a Star Man. A lonely Star Man.

Spencer was 35, but still having trouble getting used to Cy, the giant robot suit that had fallen into his lap years ago. It was one thing to meet an alien, it was another thing altogether to meet one that he could wear like a suit!

Cy and the suit had grown close over the last few days. In some ways, Cy was the friend Spencer never had. There was never a time when Spencer wanted to take the suit off now. “Spencer, it might be best to let my circuits rest, using me for so long might be dangerous”. “I know, Cy” said Spencer, “but I figure why not get some good use out of you besides fighting alien bugs?”

As Spencer/Cy jumped over another building like Superman, he landed outside the local mall. “Warning! Many organic beings detected!” Cy exclaimed! “We must hide immediately.” “Cram it, Cy. We’ll be fine. Just activate your invisible mode.” And then Cy turned on his invisible mode.Then Spencer noticed Mika, a cute girl he knew from high school, wandering through the parking lot. He couldn’t stop thinking about how cute she was. Cy suddenly remarked, “Spencer, I am detecting some strange physical change around your lower section. Something is growing. Is it possible you have suffered a tumor or injury of some sort? Perhaps caused by wearing me?” Spencer was slighty ashamed. He had not even talked to his father about the birds and the bees, let along a cyber-organism from outer space.

“It’s just something that happens, Cy. Just ignore it.” “Now, Spencer, if my readings are correct this is part of your species mating process. I have extensive knowledge of all human interactions in my robot data brain. You know, I have many tools in this suit”…

…From inside the suit, Spencer could feel Cy building a strange grip around him…

…”Cy, I don’t think this is right. I mean, it feels really good…but you’re not a girl”. “Spencer, I’m a lifeform your species have never met before. There is therefore nothing in your god-books that says this is wrong…”

…“Spencer looked down in the suit. Near his groin the suit had opened up and formed a small slit. The face of Cy looked back at him. “Go ahead, Spencer. You have nothing to fear”….

…Spencer, overcome with guilt at what he had done, ran across behind a brick wall, deactivated the invisibility cloak and forced himself out of the suit. Cy reformed himself and stood upright, staring at him with passionate robot eyes. Spencer could barely hold in his emotions. He was so confused. It felt so right, but he had just made love to the inside of a robot android suit, one that was male…

…Cy, realizing what Spencer’s problem was, stood perfectly still for a moment. Before Spencer’s eyes, the suit reformed into something resembling a girl. “Wow, Cy almost looks like Mika in that form”…

Your welcome, internet. Is it worse that I wrote the majority of this in less than two minutes, or that I think I have something here?

Enjoy the entirety of Star Kid, courtesy of Youtube. I skipped the first two parts because exposition is for chumps.


About Chad Quandt

Writer for videogames, animation, the webcomic Suffrage. Master blocker in dodgeball. Barbecued with Corey Haim before he died.

Posted on September 14, 2010, in Chad Quandt, Movies and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. …why would you do this?

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