Monthly Archives: November 2010

Aliens Are Coming to Kill Us. Yes, Even You. Especially You.

I really like movies about aliens.

"Is this gonna be a stand up fight, sir, or another bug hunt?"

I’m not sure why that is, because I hate horror movies (yes, we’re going to talk about this, again). Aliens are weird looking, overpowering, and, more often than not, are here to kill us in amazingly extravagant ways. It’s basically a horror movie where the threat comes from the black of space and not the dark of a basement.

A lot of it might be the mentality that we, and by we, I, of course, mean red-blooded Americans, can withstand anything and come out okay. We as a nation were born of it. We told the biggest, most powerful, most influential empire to go screw, and then fought and outlasted them to forge our own nation.


Which makes it equal parts funny and sad at how spectacularly we lose our shit when someone else tries that on our watch.

This is me digressing. This is me digressing.

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Surely he was one of the best. R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen

I thought last month that I’ll have to deal with comic idols being dead. Bill Murray is the big one. I think he’ll hang on for quite a while, but when that glorious bastard croaks, I’m going to need a personal day off work.

Nielsen wasn’t one of the first I thought of, but he certainly counts. Sorry Mr. Nielsen, so far I’ve ruined your memorial by talking about how great Murray is and why you were in the back of my mind.

The dude did Airplane. That’s enough for anyone. But the man is a parody god. It’s just a same he’ll be remembered by the youngest generation for a bunch of lazy low-quality movies. Read the rest of this entry

Wherein Our Hero Faces his Own Mortality

I work at a gym. We play music over the house speakers so as to fill the awkward silence that is people doing something over and over again and being miserable about it. Most people at the gym, trainers and employees, bring their own headphones, not because the music we play is bad (it is, but that’s not the primary reason we all bring our own headphones) it’s because everyone has their own music to get pumped to during a workout.

At least we can all agree on what really sucks.

Some like to get lost in house, others need the swagger of hip-hop, or the crunch and thrash of rock.

However, since a client can’t really listen to headphones AND the instructions of a trainer there tends to be a heated argument over what to play.

The gay trainers want techno.

The straight white trainers want rock

The straight black trainers want hip-hop.

The gay black trainers want 70’s dance.

The latino trainers want clients to stop tossing them their keys in the parking lot. *rimshot*

The female trainers want the straight male trainers to stop awkwardly hitting on them when they’re trying to work.

Most of the time, everyone can live in harmony as long as it’s not a slow jam or an extreme example of the genre. For example, a long guitar solo usually means we have to change the music as does any techno song that includes a siren.

I lied. I'll change Oakenfold in a heartbeat.

However, the gym as a whole usually goes through phases where everyone can agree on something for background music. It was techno for a while, which was surprising and weird. Then it was 80’s. Then it was 80’s alternative rock which was again surprising and weird. We recently came out of a hip-hop and R&B bender and now we’re listening to 90’s.

Which has been kind of shitty for me.
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NK has your TSA pat-down covered

Many traveling for the holidays will just now realize that the TSA is rapin’ errbody out there. In the security checkpoint, you can either subject yourself to a full body scan, which creates an image best described as “you as a monster in Silent Hill” or you can go through the pat-down. Many of you have shame and thus this will be a problem.

We’re going to assume you choose the pat-down. It feels slightly less invasive somehow. It’s still pretty messed up considering how little of a threat we have of terrorism attacks there (my guess? The trains are next. THEY GOING FOR THE IRON ROOSTERS).

Here’s a few ways to make your adventure fun for everyone. Read the rest of this entry

The Green Lantern Trailer: the Die Hard’s Perspective

Chad recently did an entry where he, as a non-fan of Green Lantern, took a look at the Green Lantern trailer.

Take a moment to read it if you didn’t. It’s a good read, and as someone who’s followed GL since I was in grade school, it was interesting to for me to see  what someone else thought.

So here’s my thoughts on the Green Lantern trailer, from a die hard fan.
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HarryPotterHimself has only one more preimere to rock

I just realized we don’t have a “Books” subcategory on NonstopKarate. Wow, we is dumb people, Matt.

This is an impressive video, and he even has the character’s smug sense of self-righteousness (basically, Harry should’ve died in Book 3 and Neville would’ve become the prophecy. You know this is awesome).

So this guy is superhardcorez, admirable in a way. If we respect a man who covers his walls in Giants memorabilia and wears nothing but facepaint and Shockey jerseys (do we?), then HarryPotterHimself is just that in a different form of entertainment.

But here’s the problem; there’s only one more movie premiere before Harry Potter retires to the back closet of nerd obsessions. HarryPotterHimself is too far gone.


Sidekicks 2: the Kickening

Tuesday we examined the different types of sidekicks and a little bit about the evolution of the sidekick and how it’s changed from wish fulfillment into an actual realized character, that, in many instances, becomes a character that fans would want to work with, rather than assume their role as the hero’s BFF.

Here a couple that I picked, because I read about them. I wish it was more varied, but I wish my tastes were as well, and yet here we are.

The Sidekick: Robin

Needs pants.

Let’s get this out of the way now: I’m writing about Dick Grayson, and most of the pics are Tim Drake. I know. Of course I know. Let’s keep it moving.

The Deal: There are like ten thousand Robins, including future versions, alternate Earth’s, not to mention anyone who is powerless and has a youthful ward that is essentially a Robin.
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