The new Green Lantern trailer plopped (I assume that’s lingo) yesterday. You can watch it via Apple here.
I always liked the idea of GL, the idea that a man was only limited by his imagination was story crack for a 13-year old boy. Then Hal always just made fists or a hammer. Never even a buzzsaw or a rabid wolf. So while I’m not the biggest Lantern fan, I at least understand the gist of everything that goes on in this trailer.
Most of America? They’re going to be confused as all F.
“Oh this is another Transformers movie! I hope that’s Megaman Prime. See? I pay attention to things you like. Go Shia!”
“So who’s the Green Lantern? Pink guy? That bird thing? He looks like a vampire. OH IS THIS A VAMPIRE MOVIE?”
“No, I don’t need you to explain the backstory to me. I have not seen a single Lantern. That makes no sense. So he has light powers? Why is he in a cave?”
“Oh so it’s like Star Wars. I liked those movies you took me to. It looks like Pandora. See those flying islands? Yes, I noticed that in a two-second flash of this image in the trailer.”
“So the bad guy’s just a white dude with a giant head? That’s no problem at all! See, GL just kicks him right there. This is why Superman Returns sucked, Brian.”
“That guy’s from ‘Big Bang Theory’, right! He’s totally that guy that’s nerdy.”
“Ohhh I get it. He’s a Christ figure. Well that’s not appropriate for our atheist baby”.
Chad Quandt is Analogy Editor for Nonstop Karate