NK has your TSA pat-down covered

Many traveling for the holidays will just now realize that the TSA is rapin’ errbody out there. In the security checkpoint, you can either subject yourself to a full body scan, which creates an image best described as “you as a monster in Silent Hill” or you can go through the pat-down. Many of you have shame and thus this will be a problem.

We’re going to assume you choose the pat-down. It feels slightly less invasive somehow. It’s still pretty messed up considering how little of a threat we have of terrorism attacks there (my guess? The trains are next. THEY GOING FOR THE IRON ROOSTERS).

Here’s a few ways to make your adventure fun for everyone.Wear a strap-on dildo.

Wear a kilt.

Moan very loudly during the pat-down.

Be uncomfortably fat.

Talk about Lord of the Rings fanfiction with your pat-downer.

Tell the TSA agent you have brittle bones like Samuel L Jackson in Unbreakable and can be injured if not handled gently.

Wear ten layers of clothing like you’re setting some sort of World Record.

One blogger protested by wearing see-through underwear.

This was dumb. No one asks you to take your clothes off, so you’re pointing out flaws in a process that doesn’t happen. She videotapes herself up until the checkpoint, which ruins any “undercover” chance she had, and learning what it looks like on the inside of a scanner was more informative. Also, I think you can hear one of the officers saying “I did not give her an ocular pat-down”. OK, someone watches Always Sunny.

Chad Quandt is Analogy Editor for Nonstop Karate

About Nonstop Karate

Created by Chad Quandt and Matt Loman Lonely. Online. Angry due to being online and lonely.

Posted on November 23, 2010, in Chad Quandt, Pop Culture and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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