Monthly Archives: December 2010

I flew across the country to eat both Carl’s Jr and Hardee’s in the same day.

Apparently our headlines at Nonstop Karate are inversely proportionate to how pointless our posts are (I do not have charts to prove this. It’s just psuedo-science, y’all).

Godmas forced me to back to my first home of The Midwest, a land where dogs roam free but babies can sit out on the porch all night and get nothing more than an appreciation for the safety of their mother’s tit. If you’ve never ventured out past the coast you were born in, you might not be aware of the multitude of fast food options available. In Indiana, high school kids can visit Steak N’ Shake all night, eating string fries and drinking one cup of coffee because it’s either that or run through the local Wal-Mart. Those don’t exist in California, a state who’s closest relation would be the illustrious In-N-Out (Hey! They both use “N” in their names!). Another continental divide is Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr, owned by the same parent company and both sporting that stupid smiling star.

I ate from both in the span of hours. And sat in a cramped plane in between them. Sorry girl-next-to-me-that-I-sweated-on. Read the rest of this entry

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2010 in Comics (UPDATED)

Now we come to the final list, and my last piece for the year 2010, a look back at comics.

These are going to be largely superhero centric as all the mature reader stuff I tend to read as trades and collections since they read a lot better like that, but I really enjoy the episodic, cliff-hanger nature of cape and cowl books.

I would remind you that my year-in-review list is probably the only one that has the A-Team and Black Swan highly recommended on it.

Having said that, Chew a book about a detective that can eat something and immediately know everything about it, where it was grown, how it died, who touched it, etc. The plot is him handling crimes in the seedy world of food investigation, and it is probably my favorite new book that I discovered this year, however I am reading it collected and not month to month, so I have no idea which parts of it came out during what year.

It’s a great book, with a distinct art style that everyone should be reading.

You're probably thinking, "how many pictures does Matt have of women lying on top of a pile of comics?" The answer is 'All of Them.'

Okay, now to the adolescent power fantasies.

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Moments of Brilliance: Gamer

This first installment in what should be many, Moments of Brilliance will look at small slivers of entertainment that stand above the rest of the work it’s associated with.

Gamer has two good things going for it: the general concept and its dance/fight scene with antagonist Michael C. Hall.

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2010 in Review: Movies

From Management: this reads really disjointed, almost like I wrote each one at a different time and in a different mood. Because I did. It’s not as cohesive as a piece as I’d’ve liked, but here we are.

I watch a lot of movies.

Like, a lot. I could easily spend an entire day at a theater, and actually have before.

However, I’m not what you would consider an “intelligent” movie goer. I can’t stand most of the Oscar bait movies. Most of the time they bore me, and feel like everyone in involved, behind the scenes, on screen, and in the audience are all in on a plan to congratulate each other on how smart they are.

Which is fine. Some people find that fulfilling, and I bet it certainly is. I’ll be damned if I’m going to tell someone the right or wrong way to intake and interpret art.

I'm pretty sure 'join the 501st' is way higher on my list of things to do than 'get married,' and 'find real job.'

However, I feel compelled to explain why most of the movies on my list involve explosions and explicit use of the word ‘fuck.’

I am what I am.

One final note before I dive into my list. This isn’t the best films of the year list, I’ve noted which movies I truly loved or was moved by, but rather a list of the movies that stuck with me for some reason or another.

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2010 in Review: TV

I realize Chad and I mostly use this space to write fart jokes, make fun of people even geekier than ourselves, and post Michael Bay fan-fiction, but with the end of the year looming, I’m slipping into auto-pilot mode and don’t really feel like coming up with original content.

Ironically writing up these lists will probably be the longest pieces I write, aside from whatever the fuck you call those short stories during Action Movie May.

Where my dawgz at?

I’m going to do a list of my favorite shows today, movies Tuesday, and if I feel like it, comics Thursday, but that’s up in the air as I’ll be back in Indiana and far from my pile of comics that came out in 2010.

That may just be a very Michael Bay Explosive New Year’s Eve.

As I said, up in the air.

Anyway, onward, to victory. Or lists, or whatever.

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What does Wikileaks have to do to piss you off?

So the Wikleaks movie is going to be awesome when it comes out. Julian Assange, an upstart nerd takes on the world with witty lines and a devil may care attitude. HE WEILDS THE INTERNET LIKE A SWORD.

Maybe he’ll be played by Bill Mahr, or the dude that played Draco in Harry Potter. Yeah, make him younger. Make him a sweet, sexy hacker dude. Hack the planet. Oh, that’s already been used? Hack your life. Good, kids like being in charge of their own personal destiny now. They’ll dig that.

Every bit’s in place. The stunning reveals of conspiracy and hidden information, perhaps starting with the dramatic April 2010 reveal of footage from a July 2007 Baghdad airstrike. Something that draws the viewer’s sympathy much the way it did the public’s. There’s no way a man who reveals that innocents were gunned down can be seen as a bad guy.

What would it take for you to dislike Wikileaks? What information could be released for you to say, “Hold up, White Hair. I did not need to know what was in Edward Norton’s sex diary”. Read the rest of this entry

“Game on, F-ckers.”


by Michael Bay

I’m writing in this total isolation right now so I can have complete concentration and focus. I’m in one of James Cameron’s old diving bell deep in the murky depths of my Olympic sized swimming pool.
This is the only way I can control my uncontrollable rage and unquenchable erection. Isolated from the outside world by five tons of steel and the crushing forces of being eight feet underwater, I finally begin to soothe my temper, but not my boner. Never my boner.

I’m serious; I’ve never been this hard before. Now I’ve been hard. Like, real hard, but this is fucking Promethean. I have the boner of the gods. I hate fucked someone’s Buick in half.

I cut a car in half using only my penis.

Fucked right to death.

Yeah, that’s where we’re at.
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