The Only Way to Survive the Zombies is Constant Murder

Why aren’t the inhabitants of the post-civilization zombie apocalypse constantly killing zombies?

There’s a myriad of reasons you should be constantly murdering zombies if you find yourself in the post-societal world.

Seriously, they’re trying to kill you, why aren’t you hunting them?

The machete really classes the whole thing up.

If I lived in a jungle, and a fucking tiger kept trying to kill me, I’d try to kill it. Now I wouldn’t go after it openly, just like I wouldn’t go after the entirety of the zombie species openly. I’d do all the things the tiger couldn’t do: set traps, use fire, set traps the cause the tiger to catch fire, etc.

I’m not saying make it the whole point of your existence, and if you miss a few days here and there, whatever, but if you see two or three zombies stumbling around, why not go over and take them out? You can communicate, set traps, operate in pairs, etc. The zombies advantages are numbers, a disregard for their own personal condition, and the fact they never stop, but people can plan, use tools, run, etc. It’s just a matter of playing your own strengths to compensate for your weaknesses.

Why wouldn’t any band of survivors, make a point to kill a few zombies everyday?


In the comic book the Walking Dead there is a point where they are separated from the zombies in a secure place (until it isn’t. This isn’t a spoiler. The book is the most depressing thing, ever. I’m ruining nothing) and the survivors can see the zombies through a fence. Why doesn’t everyone go out there with like a sharpened broom stick and stab ten or twenty zombies through the eyes every day?

In the grand scheme of things this may not actually make a significant dent in the overall zombie population, but when shit gets real, and you have to run or fight, that’s ten or twenty less zombies trying to eat you. If you were lucky enough to live on an island, like Hawaii or Manhattan, you could, eventually, rid your entire home of the zombie plague.

Second, it’s great at desensitizing you to the fact that you’re fucking up something that looks human. Think about your group of friends.

Solid plan.

You have at least person who’s going to freak out about killing people. They’re going to be a big ol’ pussy about dealing with the zombies and will be standing there, holding the gun at their hip, with the safety on, crying, as the zombie gnaws your skin off.

They need this. It’s good for them. Plus watching them freak out when you put them in a room with a zombie and a hatchet is about as good as entertainment’s going to get until the physical elite who populate West Hollywood stop doing crunches and wrest control of Los Angeles from the undead horde.

Damn. Get some, Velma.

Finally, it’s going to be good for you. Your life will at best be a war and at worst you will feel hunted and scared constantly. You need a release, and it’s not going to be “remembering music” or breaking into a museum to look at art, it’s going to be the physical release of taking the fight to the thing that’s destroyed your world.

After the outbreak and the initial panic, when things “calm down,” such as it were, spend some time when you’re not foraging for food, or learning how to farm or hunt, kill some zombies.

Zombie murder can only be good for us in the long run.



About Nonstop Karate

Created by Chad Quandt and Matt Loman Lonely. Online. Angry due to being online and lonely.

Posted on December 20, 2010, in Comics, Lists, Matt Loman, Movies and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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