Success of “The Green Hornet” shows I know nothing about movie trends.

If there was a fantasy football game with movies instead of athletes, I’d play it (already working on it, internet). And in my drafting of movies, I would’ve picked The Green Hornet as a sure failure. I was wrong. Despite every conceivable sign, it took number one at the box office.

A few conceits; it was going against nothing new but The Dilemma, a Kevin James/Vince Vaughn comedy where the titular dilemma is whether or not to tell your best friend his wife is cheating on him with Channing Tatum. The answer is “Yes” everytime. No question. How is that even up for debate? Even if the wife threatens you with death; you go to the cops, get into the witness protection program, and watch all 20 seasons of ”Dr. Who” in your government-funded safehouse. Then you murder Channing Tatum and dump his body in a river. That’s what happens to strippers. No one ever feels bad about that.

Also, the budget for GH was $120 dollars. Unless Judd Apatow buys a few trucks full of Collector’s Edition Green Hornet Blu-Rays, that might not be made back. Time will tell. I predict a surge of rentals and video sales when Seth Rogen dies next year. He will be consumed by Jonah Hill and taken into The Collective, a writing mass of flesh and comic actors already containing Justin Long, Sam Levine and Martin Starr.

Michel Gondry directed the film. Perhaps a ton of indie film fans went into it expecting a deep, introspective, visually arresting story of a man who becomes a hornet and has to pollinate a hive in the shape of Cameron Diaz as a symbol of his devotion. Then he gets lost in the mess of hornets who are all made of yarn and trash.

So comic book movies aren’t dead yet, guys! Everything’s still up for grabs. Pick up the rights to Squirrel Girl! Secure the use of Nova! We are going to make millions! Deadshot! Is Deadshot still on the table?

Wait, Edward James Olmos is in this? Why is that not in the trailers? Get all the BSG freaks. All ten of us!

This poster is for a movie in which Cameron Diaz grinds on cars for 2 hours and then the car gets pregnant.


About Chad Quandt

Writer for videogames, animation, the webcomic Suffrage. Master blocker in dodgeball. Barbecued with Corey Haim before he died.

Posted on January 18, 2011, in Chad Quandt, Comics, Movies and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.


    They already have Fantasy Football for movies.


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