Things to Do Instead of Watching Outsourced and Perfect Couples

The NBC Thursday Night Comedy Lineup sits high above the rest of it’s network programming like the one building not destroyed in a bombing run. Sure it wasn’t always perfect, and a few shows are past their prime (The Office), but last season one could turn on television for two hours and enjoy every part of it. It hurts me to say it, but it was Must See TV.

Now the skies have darkened. The lineup’s bloated to three hours with two massive tumors called Outsourced (a growth we decided to ignore) and Perfect Couples (Oh god, where did that mole come from and when did it become three pounds?). These aren’t hanging off the sides for easy removal; one is within the vital organs. Unless you have some sort of magical device that can record certain programs for you, one must sit through these shows to get to the good bits. Fear not, I compiled a list of things one can do while you skip through the bad bumps of Thursday night.

Perfect Couples (between Community and The Office)

  • Look up Maxim and Playboy photos of Olivia Munn (which are the same photos basically). And no, we’re not posting any sexy pics of her in this article. Sorry.
  • Play group games like Pictionary like they do in the pilot. More rewarding.
  • Go on OKCupid and find your own damaged person to marry!
  • Call up your significant other and decide which of the three relationship types from PC you are: violent/insane, boring/no-character, or wholesome/alcoholic.
  • Read the TV guide synopsis for the upcoming episode of The Office and guess what ridiculous thing Dwight will do this time.
  • Power nap
  • Break down Olivia Munn’s sketches on The Daily Show. What character is she playing? Why does that joke not work? Jon Stewart wouldn’t be shallow enough to take sex in return for casting people, would he? My guess is John Oliver.
  • Good Burger‘s on ABC Family tonight. Good Burger? More like Good Choice.

Outsourced (after 30 Rock)

  • Why are you still up? It’s 10:30pm. Go to bed.
  • Watch an M. Night Shymalan film or Slumdog Millionare. There, you supported the Indian community. You don’t have to watch this show.
  • Call up your father and discuss foreign policy (If your dad is over 50 or from the South)
  • Drive down to the local Applebee’s and turn Outsourced on whatever TV’s playing the game. Watch what happens.
  • Wake your kids up, tell them you love them dearly, and then leave into the night. When you never return, they will spend years coming up with a reason for why you left. At one point, for a split second, they’ll consider that you didn’t like what was on TV and couldn’t take it anymore.


About Chad Quandt

Writer for videogames, animation, the webcomic Suffrage. Master blocker in dodgeball. Barbecued with Corey Haim before he died.

Posted on February 3, 2011, in Chad Quandt, Television and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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