This is the kinda stuff that keeps me single

This pains me. Earlier this morning I had to tell Adam Kornya that he couldn’t have a video of a man pooping into a see-through diaper in his post. And in some ways, this video disturbs me more. I don’t know what community this was posted on. Maybe they were recording it for themselves? Like a PG sex tape? It’s more likely some Justin.tv-type community, though I bet it wasn’t Barstool Sports. Shame on you, Barstool Sports, for taking this video and putting your watermark on it. Did you break into this kid’s house and hack his computer? Did you murder them to prevent any witnesses?

Here’s all the awkwardness:

  • The boy really thinks this was a good idea. I was worried he was going to propose to her, as young kids often believe that your significant other is perfect. If this was karaoke, or..ok, I can’t think of a situation where this song would be appropriate. I went to a pageant for Miss Ventura County last week, and this is the song that played as the winner took her crown. It’s very hypocritical to play a song about accepting a girl no matter what to beautiful pageant contestants. That’s the song you play for Miss Congeniality.
  • The girl knows this isn’t a good idea. She’s terrified from the start. She rolls with it, good for her. That’s what a relationship is all about: compromise. Well, your relationship is all about hormones and sticking it to your parents, but when you get older…compromise.
  • I would’ve totally done this when I was that age. In some ways, I still think this is a good idea. Movies, you convince us that romantic gestures like this are touching. You lied.
  • I still kind of think this is a good idea. C’mon, LA women. Let me sing Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer” at ya.

Thanks to Lynn Wang for the find.

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About Chad Quandt

Writer for videogames, animation, the webcomic Suffrage. Master blocker in dodgeball. Barbecued with Corey Haim before he died.

Posted on February 7, 2011, in Chad Quandt, Video and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. oh it hurts. oh awkward. ok, Chad, here are the ways that this is a good idea:

    1) It’s not.

    2) If you INSIST on doing this, play an instrument or find a friend who does, DO NOT do it a capella. Unless you are in an a capella group, and they perform in the video with you.

    3) Don’t have her in the video with you. Just f’ing dedicate it to her and be done with it. She’ll thank you.

    4) If you INSIST on having her in the video, do it viral video style, where you’ve hidden the camera and she walks into some public place where you surprise her with the performance.

    5) fucking end it with a gift. A necklace, a ring, a fucking gift card, SOMETHING.

    6) When in doubt refer back to point #1.

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