Just in case any of you start work at Wendy’s this week

You might make fun of this and say “Oh how Late-80s/Early-90s. How silly Wendy’s was”. Stop it. Shut up you simpletons. Sure, it’s tacky. Sure it’s low-budget. It works. Really. Watch the video without rolling your eyes. Turn down your Fleet Foxes playlist and enjoy the song.

Wait fifteen minutes.

Tell me how to press down a Wendy’s patty on the grill. I bet you know.

The system works.Now I can tell you how many inches the patty should be spread out while flattening a patty. Has this information changed in the two decades since it was made? Probably not. This is fast food. At most, they’ve updated it with a slip of paper that tells you how to make vanilla Frostys.

Also, Dave Thomas is dead. There’s probably some memorial about Dave. I know he was just part of their marketing, and he could have been a bloodthirsty tiger in the corporate offices and the bedroom, but I miss Dave. He seemed so nice. Like he could be your grandpa. Grandpas don’t care about your health

Dave doesn’t seem like he gives a shit. Listen to his delivery. This isn’t “I think I can be a TV star but I have terrible delivery”, this is Wendy’s executives begging Dave to take some time away from the grill to step in front of the cameras. “Oh, okay.” Dave replies as he sadly puts his spatula down and asks his youngest son to man the grill.

Have I been bought by Wendy’s for this nostalgia trip? Yep.

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About Chad Quandt

Writer for videogames, animation, the webcomic Suffrage. Master blocker in dodgeball. Barbecued with Corey Haim before he died.

Posted on April 6, 2011, in Chad Quandt, Pop Culture and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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