Monthly Archives: May 2012

Forgot About Bay

By Michael Bay

What the fuck is this fucking shit? Avengers crushes the record for opening weekend gross? They took the record that I earned with my blood, sweat, and cinematic seminal fluids from me?

You come at me, Michael Bliz-ow Bli-zay, the one summer I take off to gather my strength to make a comedy and prep for Transformers 4: a World without Shia, and you think I wouldn’t notice?

You think you’re the fucking king of summer, Avengers? You think Bliggity Bay get soft?

Now you want to run around, talking about breakdancing robots tearing each other arms off, like I ain’t got none? You think I sold them all, just because I’m well off?

Think you can talk that shit like it won’t get back to me? Like I’m not everywhere?

Motherfuckers think you can forget about Bay?

War, it is.
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Action Movie May Summer Preview

Today marks the beginning of my people’s most sacred month, ACTION MOVIE MAY.

As we begin our journey into the hottest, most action packed months of the year, this summer seems especially jam-packed with testosterone injected mayhem, I’m going to walk you through the explosions and car chases to get to the very best in visceral entertainment.

The Avengers

Kiss, or fight, or get the fuck off the stage!

Here it is, ready to help kick off the summer movie season, the Impossible Thing. The Movie That Should Not Exist. Forget Lord of the Rings. Forget Watchmen. Forget Dune. Forget every movie that was or is “impossible” to film, this is the one movie that should not have been able to be put together. Read the rest of this entry