Category Archives: Pop Culture

Disney Buying LucasFilm Might Be a Good Thing

Possibly the best thing.

I think the initial reaction was a whole lot of “WTF” because it came out of nowhere. My job enables me to spend a lot of time dicking around on the internet, A LOT OF TIME, but I hadn’t heard any rumblings or rumors or anything until the press release was, uh, released.

After the dust settled and we realized it wasn’t an Onion article, my Twitter feed was filled with a lot of cynicism and worry about the acquisition and what that could mean for many people’s favorite franchise.

I must ask; will it be worse than what Lucas himself has been doing with it? The constant adjustments to the movies? The deciding what is and isn’t canon at whim? The Kinect dancing game?

Jar-Jar goddamn Binks?

We’ve seen the bottom, children.

As in all things, there is a lot of stuff that can go wrong, however; if we all take a step back and look at this with clear eyes and our hearts free of the knee-jerk Nerd Rage that so easily can envelope us, that maybe, just maybe, we’ll realize Disney’s acquisition of LucasFilm is a good thing.

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Better Dredd Than Dead

Holy hell, how long’s it been since I posted something on here? Like, eight years? Man, that is a lot of years.

What follows is a review of Dredd 3D.

It’s a long one, because I am a terrible, terrible, terrible editor.

They even do “I am the Law,” in a way that doesn’t suck or seem cheesy.

TL;DR Rating – I loved it.
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Forgot About Bay

By Michael Bay

What the fuck is this fucking shit? Avengers crushes the record for opening weekend gross? They took the record that I earned with my blood, sweat, and cinematic seminal fluids from me?

You come at me, Michael Bliz-ow Bli-zay, the one summer I take off to gather my strength to make a comedy and prep for Transformers 4: a World without Shia, and you think I wouldn’t notice?

You think you’re the fucking king of summer, Avengers? You think Bliggity Bay get soft?

Now you want to run around, talking about breakdancing robots tearing each other arms off, like I ain’t got none? You think I sold them all, just because I’m well off?

Think you can talk that shit like it won’t get back to me? Like I’m not everywhere?

Motherfuckers think you can forget about Bay?

War, it is.
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The Mass Effect 3 Thing pt 1: The Ending

What follows is less about the actual nuts and bolts of the ending regarding any sort of closure inside the Mass Effect Universe, or of the supposed insidious business practices of EA , but more about why the ending was used.

I'm coming back, Earth. And I'm bringing all the murder with me.

I will do my best to keep it spoiler-lite for Shepards still fighting the good fight, and less intensive for those of you who don’t care about Mass Effect, but I can make no promises.

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Obviously There’ll Be a Transformers 4

by Michael Bay

I really did try to walk away. I wanted to make some dark comedies, maybe do some more personal movies like George Lucas. I truly, truly, wanted to grow as an artist and a person and let people know that there was more to the bronzed god known in some circles as Mickey Blizow Blizay.

Unfortunately, it seemed to have the opposite effect. It turns out that instead of finally sating all of you explosion slut hounds with my magnum goddamn fucking opus, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, I’ve only made you harder. I’ve created a vacuum in your lives that’s only been filled with deep longing; your turgid curiosity beginning to swell to painful levels.

Rest assured; I will give you release. Gentlemen, we’re going to paint the goddamn ceiling of your bedroom, your car, and 4,500 screens across the country the color “man white.” I’d go so far as to suggest that maybe you wear galoshes and tuck your pants into your fucking boots because the floor of those theaters are going to be soaked once I get done with the ladies. They’re going to have to burn the seats after every showing to keep from attracting roving packs of feral cats. Nine months after Transformers 4: Adjective Noun Verb there’s going to be a shitload of kids born that look an awful lot like yours truly.

The resemblance is uncanny.

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Tom Scharpling Live-Tweets Gov. Chris Christie Choking On A Scone At Starbucks

On President’s Day 2012, WFMU host Tom Scharpling tweeted a long recap of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie choking on scones, ordering a large amount of drinks, dissing The Decemberists, and calling his assistant repeatedly from the bathroom. None of this is news, and none of this is likely to hurt Christie in his eventual re-election bid. There are likely not many Decemberists fans in Jersey.

If this story was a courtroom, Comedian/Radio Host/Sulk Tom Scharpling’s tweets would probably not be allowed in as evidence. Who is to prove this man’s digital words ring true? He is a hostile witness to be sure. But let’s give the man a benefit of a doubt. Or at least check the receipts of the Starbucks he was at; if there are several “green drinks without whipped cream” charged, then the case is closed.

Regardless of your feelings on Gov. Christie, savor this slice of life of a public official. On a day we recognize our founding fathers for fighting the British or something, one of our public servants came down from his ivory tower and dined with us. To have a record of the occasion is cause alone for celebration.

After the jump, the entire story organized for your enjoyment. It contains gems like this:

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The Watchmen Thing

I am a comic book fan.

I’ve been reading since I was six. I still have that issue of Uncanny X-Men with Wolverine and Gambit on the cover that started this whole mess.

I have many, many, many opinions on the whole Watchmen debacle.

I don’t think they should do it.

All right, so maybe just the one opinion.

I’m going to attempt to elucidate this opinion for you here without swearing non-stop or turning into an entitled fan.

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