Category Archives: Updates

Things to Do in 2012 (For Me, But I Guess You Too)

Can’t Stop This Karate ‘Cuz This Karate Don’t Stop.

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And we’re back.

Some of you may have noticed that my output decreased sharply from a bunch to zero, and I apologize for that. Every electronic device that I owned decided to shit their own beds within a week of each other and thus I was unable to produce at a level of quality that I wanted.

My fart jokes and erotica must never, ever, be cheapened.

One of the many unfortunate side effects of my extended break was all that brainspace and all those wonderful neurons used to come up with creative swears for Michael Bay and to talk shit about people much more talented and richer than I got moved to other projects. Such as finding pornography when one does not have a computer.

Mercifully, I can now get back to it with a shiny new laptop, as pleasuring myself while trying to hold a smartphone in position is not a skill set I’d like to add to my wheelhouse. Oh, and writing. I can get back to writing. But mainly the pornography.

What I’m trying to get at is: the road back to what passes for my normal is going to be slow going and today we’ll be starting with a big ol’ cop-out entry.

Hooray. Read the rest of this entry

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Nonstop Karate is So Fresh Prince and So Clean

“Fresh Prince and so Clean” is a rap song, right?

Nonstop Karate is making design changes. Awkward and lanky, like a horny teenager that writes for this blog. We’re trying to make it easier to dig through our archive, because lord knows this stuff isn’t time-sensitive. We also hope to make navigating between our features like Moments of Brilliance and Michael Bay Adventures (Just named it that. Probably won’t stick).

Let’s all ease into this slowly.

Destructobox: “Snow Plowin'”

If you didn’t know, our own beloved Joey Reinisch has moved his webseries with Phil McLaughlin over to Mondo Media. That’s big. And they’re the most controversial series Mondo’s run in quite some time. That says something. I don’t know what it means, but it’s big. Big. A few smaller episodes have made it up, but the winter classic ‘Snow Plowin'” is airing in the warm month of March.

Enjoy.

Nonstop Karate are King Makers

Some might say that Destructo Box was a successful underground web series that didn’t really take off until they started getting their updates posted on NK. Some might say this blog had nothing to do with it, and we merely recognized a good thing that was already on its way when we saw it. More than likely the latter.

Destructo Box has been picked up by Mondo Media, master of series such as Dr. Tran, Happy Tree Friends, Dick Figures and Cat Slap. Read the rest of this entry

Ah, Hell.

I forgot to have anything ready today. I suck.

Here’s a picture of a corgi, courtesy this wonderful blog.

I bet being a dog is really awesome.

So there’s that. I suck, I know I do. I had all day yesterday. Did nothing.

I’m not proud of it, but it happened. Have you guys ever had Hot Pot? It’s either Chinese Hot Pot, or Mongolian Hot Pot. I don’t know because I’m bad Chinese.

Hot Pot is where I was yesterday. Three hours of eating what is essentially a giant tub of soup filled with the contents of a pu-pu platter. The amount of food on display is both inspiring and humbling.

Inspiring, because eating all of it is truly an accomplishment, and humbling because you never will.

Except I did. I am a monster. So did everyone else I was with. We all went into shame spirals, and most went into the blessed rest of a food coma.

You’re going to try and fight the coma. Do not fight the coma. I fought the coma. You know what my reward was? Brain damage. My thinker’s gone right to Hell, because I crammed my body so full of food, that my sinuses filled with meat, forcing my brain to get pushed into the the top of my skull, slowly annihilating all higher cognitive function, and the thin membrane separating muscles from skin is now filled with dumpling skins and rice paper.

I lay here, typing this, praying for the sweet release of death.

Matt

It Be Coming: Suffrage

This is coming. Something Chad’s been working on with the talented Lynn Wang since summer. Are you ready? Do you have any idea what this may be? A comic book about a tree doctor? A National GeoGraphic novel ? A drama about a family growing up in the jungle?

NONE OF THESE THINGS.

“This Happened.”

This was sent to me by Kyle from over on LOL J/K.

Hey, speaking of other blogs and do very, very, very little work on a Friday, here’s a little teaser: coming soon, a possible collaboration between friendly blogs.

It’s so exciting, I know.

Hey, don’t be shitty, I (via Kyle) just showed you a one man Wu-Tang Clan.

Happy Friday, putas.

Matt