Blog Archives

Rogue’s Gallery: Top 10 Villains From Film and Literature

I guess there isn’t a whole lot of shame in making a list and calling it writing.  It isn’t like I graduated with a degree in English or am in any way qualified or obligated to edify or entertain anyone.  In fact, I think it’s high time I pointed out the fact that our readers come to Non-stop Karate with quite a lot of baggage.  They come here looking for a little insight or cleverness, or even just the odd tit or giggle.  But really, having expectations of quality of any kind is really just going to disappoint all parties involved. Read the rest of this entry

Dying with your Boots on pt. 2

And here’s part 2 of my semi-exhaustive, but not really, examination of my favorite onscreen heroic deaths. I many go back later and do a most satisfying deaths, like when the villain dies, but we’ll see.

Not a death, but hey, this is my blog.

Until then, courage.

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Dying with your Boots on pt 1.

I’m not a crier during movies. I’m a jumper during scary ones, but the parts where most people cry, I don’t. I get it, but it doesn’t hit me like that.

The parts of movies where I do get choked up is when brave people die. More than that, when people who know they’re going to die, but march ahead anyway. Stuff like that gets me every damn time.

Not a great example, but very iconic.

In honor of the brave sacrifices of (mostly) fictional characters, here is a list of my favorite deaths from the movies.

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I Will Save Your Franchise pt. 1

Hey dudes and lady-dudes,

Are you excited for the new Batman movie from Nolan and friends? Of course you are. We’re not sure what aspect of Selina Kyle Anne Hathaway’s going to be, especially since all announcements have been very, very, very careful about not calling her Catwoman, but all of that will take shape in the coming months.

This is the bar.

Bane, though? That could be really awesome. The guy is essentially anti-Batman. Take Bruce’s drive, ambition, natural genius, and physical prowess, and strip it of all morality. Apply Batman’s skills, mind, and attitude but to someone with no code except his own. It could be the movie that finally gives us someone who can go head to head with Batman mentally and physically.

I like his intensity.

Note: I wrote this on Tuesday and I had no idea about Chad’s anti-Bane, anti- Nolan tirade. The above is not a response to that.

This part, in the italics is. I have complete and utter faith in this movie for two reasons: 1.) What in Nolan’s track record makes you not excited for this movie? Every movie he’s done, for better or worse, did everything right and well. He’s got a few I’ll probably never buy, but that’s personal taste for the subject matter. I cannot deny that they are well-put together movies. He has pretty much mastered his craft. 2.) the Dark Knight made Batman Begins look like it was shot in someone’s backyard over a long weekend. Now extrapolate what’s going to happen in this one from the Dark Knight. Anyone not excited for this movie is nursing a boner for the Joker which is the dork equivalent of all the rappers and hustler wannabes considering Scarface the end all be all of cinema.

Your move, Batman.

However for every Dark Knight, we get an X-Men 3. For every Spider-Man 2 there’s a Spider-Man 3. Actually, that’s inaccurate, because the breakdown is not one for one. For every X-Men 2 or Iron Man there’s like 12 Wanteds.

It doesn’t have to be that way, though. We can all, actually, collectively try and do better.

Fuck it. Tell Darwyn Cooke he's drawing everything, forever.

That sounds like work, and I know that people on both sides of this issue, nerds and Hollywood executives, are two of the most work-averse people on the planet, but most of this is easy, and is easier if we’re dealing with an established property.

What follows are my proposals to fix a few franchises. These in no way guarantee a movie will be good, a lot of the depends on writing, directing, acting, and since this all sci-fi/fantasy, art direction, but I think you’ll agree, steps toward the proper destination.
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How to Survive Anything Part 2

I wrote part one like a year ago. I’m bad at this.

Tell you what, if you, or anyone you know was a victim of aliens, pirates, or vampires, I owe you a beer.

*-*-*

Aliens
The forever other, aliens of every stripe are part of our inherent dreams and nightmares.

On the one hand, you have the Star Trek aliens. They are sentient, technologically advanced and can be talked to, negotiated with, and no matter what, while they may not always agree with us, most will try to understand us.

We will not run into these aliens.

If we do, we’ll try to fuck them up anyway. We can barely get along with each other because of differing melanin content or because someone has a different name for God; what do you think is going to happen when we run into someone with completely different anatomy?

Seems like a pretty solid plan.

We’re predators, plain and simple. No amount of hippies and vegans is going to change that.

Frankly, if a race can traverse space, they had to become the top of the food chain on their planets, so they’re going to be predators, too. We will be competing for living space and resources.

Germs? Pussies.

Now, if we’re of equal or comparable tech to the aliens, that’s a different article. This is about how to survive an alien invasion.
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Aliens Are Coming to Kill Us. Yes, Even You. Especially You.

I really like movies about aliens.

"Is this gonna be a stand up fight, sir, or another bug hunt?"

I’m not sure why that is, because I hate horror movies (yes, we’re going to talk about this, again). Aliens are weird looking, overpowering, and, more often than not, are here to kill us in amazingly extravagant ways. It’s basically a horror movie where the threat comes from the black of space and not the dark of a basement.

A lot of it might be the mentality that we, and by we, I, of course, mean red-blooded Americans, can withstand anything and come out okay. We as a nation were born of it. We told the biggest, most powerful, most influential empire to go screw, and then fought and outlasted them to forge our own nation.

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

Which makes it equal parts funny and sad at how spectacularly we lose our shit when someone else tries that on our watch.

This is me digressing. This is me digressing.

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The hunt for the next big horror monster

Considering Matt just posted about the excellence of The Walking Dead yesterday, I understand that the world still loves zombies. The world sees a dumb person torn apart by the ravenous undead and they cheer.

But I ask, when will zombies’ reign end? I feel burned out myself and can’t wait to see the next trend. Vampires, you’ve had this coming for a while now as well. What would be the best thing for storytellers, audiences and scared little kids is a new horror staple, an invention of a new monster that can enter into the stable of recurring abominations. Read the rest of this entry