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Forgot About Bay

By Michael Bay

What the fuck is this fucking shit? Avengers crushes the record for opening weekend gross? They took the record that I earned with my blood, sweat, and cinematic seminal fluids from me?

You come at me, Michael Bliz-ow Bli-zay, the one summer I take off to gather my strength to make a comedy and prep for Transformers 4: a World without Shia, and you think I wouldn’t notice?

You think you’re the fucking king of summer, Avengers? You think Bliggity Bay get soft?

Now you want to run around, talking about breakdancing robots tearing each other arms off, like I ain’t got none? You think I sold them all, just because I’m well off?

Think you can talk that shit like it won’t get back to me? Like I’m not everywhere?

Motherfuckers think you can forget about Bay?

War, it is.
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“Hey Everyone! Look At This Sweet Non-Lethal Perfect Robot I Built!”

by Hank Pym

Avengers, Assemble! Heh, Cap never lets me say that. I want you all to come into the main chamber and look at this amazing non-lethal robot intelligence I just finished making!

Lower your shield, Cap! I told you, this thing is harmless. You old boys and your superstitious worrying…

How perfect is he? Why he’s based off my brain patterns! No one better to use but me; not Richards, Banner, or Stark. He’s basically me with a indestructible adamantium body that will never die.

Why do you all still look worried? Read the rest of this entry