Blog Archives

The Watchmen Thing

I am a comic book fan.

I’ve been reading since I was six. I still have that issue of Uncanny X-Men with Wolverine and Gambit on the cover that started this whole mess.

I have many, many, many opinions on the whole Watchmen debacle.

I don’t think they should do it.

All right, so maybe just the one opinion.

I’m going to attempt to elucidate this opinion for you here without swearing non-stop or turning into an entitled fan.

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Your Comic Con Primer

 

As a self proclaimed nerd (obviously since I’m writing for NK) I am making the trip down to San Diego for Comic Con this year.  This is the fourth year I will be going, so I believe that makes me a bit of a Comic Con veteran.  If you don’t know what Comic Con is, I’m not going to take the time to explain it. And you should probably just go on living your life as a well adjusted human being, because I assure you that you’re better off.  But for those of you that care, let me share some of my wisdom from years past and give those of you who won’t be going a little insight into how awesome/horrifying Comic Con can be.

Just to start, Comic Con has changed significantly since it began in 1970.  But the most radical change has come in the last decade or so when the internet began to be so ingrained into our daily lives.  Now everything: movies, TV, video games, comics, EVERYTHING thrives on the buzz created on the web and the word of mouth of nerds.  And for a lot of these, it all starts with their appearance at Comic Con. Basically, Comic Con has become significantly less about the comics themselves and more about everything else that nerd culture loves.  For example, there was a large Guild panel before the Community panel last year. The Guild. The Guild is…awful. Just. Really terrible.  My point is, a sub par web series that had no business being there in the first place, held a panel in a HUGE ballroom. Guys, Felicia Day is super hot. But. Fuck off. What’s wrong with us? Read the rest of this entry

Plotting Out the Metaverse of “Community”, “Cougar Town” and “Scrubs”

The TV metaverse broke this week. Much the way Superboy-Prime’s punch shattered the DC Multiverse, Abed’s appearance on Cougar Town sets up a very weird order of shows that puts Community in the same world as you, me and Scrubs reruns. Somewhere, Britta is reading Pitchfork. Or she’s trying to install Napster. Read the rest of this entry

Dear Celebs: The Heroically Super Edition

Dear Wonder Woman Marketing Team.

Which one of you geniuses thought this was a good idea?

Turns out a hot girl in tight clothing doesn't just make everything okay.

You’ve made someone who’s supposed to be a warrior, diplomat, and in the TV series, a CEO look like she bought her costume off the rack of a Halloween store that specializes in “sexy costumes” (see also: whore). Read the rest of this entry

I Got Your Crossover Right Here *Points to Crotch*

I hate crossovers in comics.

Remember Ben Reilly? Fuck the 90's.

That’s not true. I like the small ones. A story that take place across all the Avengers’ titles or the X-Titles, or the now shitload of Green Lantern titles doesn’t have to be a bad thing, because they’re usually relevant, and sometimes move actual plot and characterization forward, plus, and this is the big one, I can follow along in the actual titles I buy month to month, and not worry about having to pick up a mini-series or a one-shot to keep up with the event. All the X-titles crossing over makes sense. If Apocalypse or,  more recently, Dracula, showed up, why wouldn’t you call for help?

But, Lord, do I hate company-wide crossovers. Read the rest of this entry

The Superpower Encyclopedia: Self-Duplication

Ladies and Gentlemen, today we revisit an ongoing series for the LOLJK crew, the “Super Power Encyclopedia.” Where we break down typical super powers for you, the reader, and then provide a simple step-by-step process to follow gain said power.  Pretty exciting stuff. Read the rest of this entry

Nonstop Debate: A Roundtable Discussion

Hello, and welcome to Nonstop Karate’s 1st round table discussion. We come up with a problem that may or may not happen, and bring in a group of experts to examine the logistics of such an undertaking and evaluate pros and cons with the individual philosophies’ approach to the issue at hand.

Today’s Topic: Terrorism.

Matt: All right, gentlemen, thank you for joining me. The topic is terrorism. I suppose the first question is, at what point should we stop trying to understand why these people are taking up arms and such extreme measures for a cause we may not wholly understand, and start treating them as combatants–
Wolverine: Stab ’em.

Thing: Clobber ’em.

Punisher: Shoot them in the face.

Deadpool: Tickle fights.

Batman: I’m Batman.
Read the rest of this entry