Blog Archives

Sexy Sexism in Comics; Also, Sex. Part One!

I love comic books. And I love women.  In fact, I’d say that they are my two favorite things to look at and spend money on.

Just kidding. Who buys comics anymore AMIRITE?!!

There’s been a lot of rumbling lately about the problem of sexism in comics.  I’ll be the first to admit it’s an issue, but it’s kind of unfair to single-out comics when it comes to sexism. (refer to Dolce and Gabbana ad, above)

“But Ryan”, you may say, “Just look at the way women are drawn! And what about the fact that women are always given the defensive powers, rather than offensive?  Also its sort of hard to to believe you after you referred to women as “things” in the first line?”  And to you I would say:  THAT WAS A TEST.  You passed. Now claim your prize by reading on, as we look at  what’s wrong, what’s right, and what we (read: everyone but me. I’M writing a BLOG) can do about it.  Buckle up, true believer-ettes, it’s gonna be a sexy, bumpy, sex-bumpy ride.

Today’s installment: COMICS ARE SEXIST

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Moments of Brilliance: Ryan Reynolds’s abs in “Blade 3”

Arguably the most memorable scene in Blade 3, and the title character’s barely in it. The major thing movies with a mostly-silent protagonist usually forget is that everything hinges on the side characters bouncing off of them. Blade is not that interesting, but people trying to interact with a vampire-killing-machine-that’s-also-a-vampire is. Read the rest of this entry

“PARKER, THESE ARE JUST DRAWINGS OF SPIDERMAN”

by J. Jonah Jameson

Parker, get in here. I need pictures of Spiderman.

Let me see these.

Parker, these are just scribbles of Spiderman. These are made out of glossy paper and crayon.

[Slightly NSFW. This is going to get a little weird. But you should know that if you’ve read literally any of our monologues.]

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I Got Your Crossover Right Here *Points to Crotch*

I hate crossovers in comics.

Remember Ben Reilly? Fuck the 90's.

That’s not true. I like the small ones. A story that take place across all the Avengers’ titles or the X-Titles, or the now shitload of Green Lantern titles doesn’t have to be a bad thing, because they’re usually relevant, and sometimes move actual plot and characterization forward, plus, and this is the big one, I can follow along in the actual titles I buy month to month, and not worry about having to pick up a mini-series or a one-shot to keep up with the event. All the X-titles crossing over makes sense. If Apocalypse or,  more recently, Dracula, showed up, why wouldn’t you call for help?

But, Lord, do I hate company-wide crossovers. Read the rest of this entry

Nonstop Debate: A Roundtable Discussion

Hello, and welcome to Nonstop Karate’s 1st round table discussion. We come up with a problem that may or may not happen, and bring in a group of experts to examine the logistics of such an undertaking and evaluate pros and cons with the individual philosophies’ approach to the issue at hand.

Today’s Topic: Terrorism.

Matt: All right, gentlemen, thank you for joining me. The topic is terrorism. I suppose the first question is, at what point should we stop trying to understand why these people are taking up arms and such extreme measures for a cause we may not wholly understand, and start treating them as combatants–
Wolverine: Stab ’em.

Thing: Clobber ’em.

Punisher: Shoot them in the face.

Deadpool: Tickle fights.

Batman: I’m Batman.
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An Outsider’s View: the Thor trailer

Which movie is harder to understand to the American citizen? Green Lantern or Thor? The Green Lantern trailer showcases a bizarre set of alien images and some story that’s going to let Ryan Reynolds mack on Blake Lively. The Thor trailer relies mostly on fans recognitions of obscure things like Natalie Portman’s earnestness. It’s time once again for An Outsider’s View.

We start off with a crotch shot of Thor in medical scrubs. This movie is going to get sexy. Be sure to tune to Nonstop Karate for all your superhero crotch shots. Read the rest of this entry

“Hey Everyone! Look At This Sweet Non-Lethal Perfect Robot I Built!”

by Hank Pym

Avengers, Assemble! Heh, Cap never lets me say that. I want you all to come into the main chamber and look at this amazing non-lethal robot intelligence I just finished making!

Lower your shield, Cap! I told you, this thing is harmless. You old boys and your superstitious worrying…

How perfect is he? Why he’s based off my brain patterns! No one better to use but me; not Richards, Banner, or Stark. He’s basically me with a indestructible adamantium body that will never die.

Why do you all still look worried? Read the rest of this entry