Blog Archives

On Hipsters

Hipster.

If you look like this on purpose, please rethink your life.

If you read this blog, there is a good chance that this word has a negative connotation to it.  I know that for me personally, it does.  And it could be easy to write a humorous entry poking fun at the people who have embraced that culture and lifestyle.  PBR! LOL! 
But lets go a bit deeper and explore what the culture is perceived to be, how people actually live it, and then why deep down I hate it.  You know, while I poke fun and make easy jokes at these people’s expense. It’s a humor blog. I’m not paid to be unbiased…

…I’m not paid…

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Dear Celebs: There are Doings Afoot Edition

Sometimes me shouting at rich people for being too dumb, too pretty, very famous for doing very little, or not wanting to let me sex them isn’t enough.

There’s a lot of shit that goes down in Hollywood (well, actually the Valley, unless it’s Paramount. Or in Marina Del Ray /inside baseball) and much of it needs me to shout at it.

So today will be less gossip column stuff and more behind the scenes stuff.

Though, I’m sure at some point I’ll find a way to yell at an actress or model. Apparently women are into that.

*-*-*

Dear George Takei,

There goes my hero/watch him as he goes/

You’re doing the Lord’s work.

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Losing the Pop Culture War

Goddamn right.

There’s talk of America’s decline as the last great superpower. People think we may have lost a step from the ascendant society that came out of WWII as an economic powerhouse due to a huge industrial base, agricultural zones, and means of moving products quickly to where they need to go as America was entirely (excepting Hawaii) untouched by the ravages of war that shattered Europe and Asia.

Perhaps we came out of the Cold War damaged: psychologically impaired and paranoid. We had to know everything and run everything for fear of annihilation. It’s possible that all that time spent keeping an eye on the spread of Communism and acting as ideological police spread us too thin and forced too many compromises, leading us away from the infinite promise of our vision for a free and open meritocracy guided by laws passed by moral men. Read the rest of this entry

I Got Your Crossover Right Here *Points to Crotch*

I hate crossovers in comics.

Remember Ben Reilly? Fuck the 90's.

That’s not true. I like the small ones. A story that take place across all the Avengers’ titles or the X-Titles, or the now shitload of Green Lantern titles doesn’t have to be a bad thing, because they’re usually relevant, and sometimes move actual plot and characterization forward, plus, and this is the big one, I can follow along in the actual titles I buy month to month, and not worry about having to pick up a mini-series or a one-shot to keep up with the event. All the X-titles crossing over makes sense. If Apocalypse or,  more recently, Dracula, showed up, why wouldn’t you call for help?

But, Lord, do I hate company-wide crossovers. Read the rest of this entry

Kids, I F-cking Hate Halloween

Seriously. I know it’s the holiday for all the weird kids, but I guess I’m the contrarian, again, because I just can’t get into it.

I’m down with dressing like a superhero and eating candy. Let’s be very clear on that. There’s nothing in my vague and situational belief system that is against wearing a cape and eating an entire pillowcase filled with Kit-Kats and Reese’s Cups.

I’m pretty sure that’s how my perfect date would end; on a rooftop, caped, the two of us enjoying a sack of candy as the city sleeps quietly under a blanket of justice.

Does the Plan involve candy? If so, I'm in.

However, Halloween, I can’t really get behind.

First off, I never plan ahead for my costume which always means I’m a ninja because A.) as a fat guy most of my wardrobe is in dark colors, B.) I own several pairs of nunchuks and I’m always happy to walk around with them in public and C.) y’know…the Asian thing…

Not actually me. Ya'll racist.

Or I’m Green Lantern because A.) I love the Green Lantern B.) I own several Green Lantern shirts, and C.) my week’s just not complete if I don’t get to explain, out loud, who the Green Lantern is and what he does.

Pretty nerdy for a lot of different reasons.

“Uh…he’s a superhero, but only on Earth, otherwise he’s like a space-cop/military guy. His powers are that he has a wishing ring. It becomes more or less powerful depending on his willpower. Yes, I supposed it does depend on whether or not he wishes hard enough, but that’s not how I’d put it. You’re going to leave now and go talk to those people over there, now? Excellent. I look forward to an entire evening of ‘accidental’ eye contact with you.”

I want this as a poster. Like, bad.

See? Why would I ever want to give up that sense of awkwardness?
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Do. Not. F-ck. Me. On. This.

It appears that nearly everyone in my life is getting married/already married. It inspired me to write this.

*-*-*

by Jeff Larson

Guys, tonight, some stuff’s going to happen.

Weird stuff.

No guff, you’re going to see some shit, and unless you’re a filthy fucking degenerate like Williams over there, it’s going to challenge you. It will shake your spiritual and your entire emotional development to the core.

Gentlemen, this is why we go to Vegas. To challenge ourselves, to grow spiritually, and to remind ourselves what a 19-year-old single mom’s vagina looks like.
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