Blog Archives

I Hope Everyone had a Good Holiday

I hope everyone had a good holiday, and here’s to a short week.

For most of us. Huzzah!

Happy Birthday, America. You’re not perfect, but nowhere is, and for all your warts, you’re still pretty damn good.

I guess not being born in America really drives that point home. (click to embiggen)

Matt

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So Long Superman

So I’m not really getting along with the other Nonstop Karate contributors right now since I refused to take part in their plan to use the blog to launch their vanity albums.

Think Phil Collins, but employing elaborate metaphors comparing romantic love with what it means to be an X-man

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An Outsider’s View: the Thor trailer

Which movie is harder to understand to the American citizen? Green Lantern or Thor? The Green Lantern trailer showcases a bizarre set of alien images and some story that’s going to let Ryan Reynolds mack on Blake Lively. The Thor trailer relies mostly on fans recognitions of obscure things like Natalie Portman’s earnestness. It’s time once again for An Outsider’s View.

We start off with a crotch shot of Thor in medical scrubs. This movie is going to get sexy. Be sure to tune to Nonstop Karate for all your superhero crotch shots. Read the rest of this entry

I Will Save Your Franchise pt. 1

Hey dudes and lady-dudes,

Are you excited for the new Batman movie from Nolan and friends? Of course you are. We’re not sure what aspect of Selina Kyle Anne Hathaway’s going to be, especially since all announcements have been very, very, very careful about not calling her Catwoman, but all of that will take shape in the coming months.

This is the bar.

Bane, though? That could be really awesome. The guy is essentially anti-Batman. Take Bruce’s drive, ambition, natural genius, and physical prowess, and strip it of all morality. Apply Batman’s skills, mind, and attitude but to someone with no code except his own. It could be the movie that finally gives us someone who can go head to head with Batman mentally and physically.

I like his intensity.

Note: I wrote this on Tuesday and I had no idea about Chad’s anti-Bane, anti- Nolan tirade. The above is not a response to that.

This part, in the italics is. I have complete and utter faith in this movie for two reasons: 1.) What in Nolan’s track record makes you not excited for this movie? Every movie he’s done, for better or worse, did everything right and well. He’s got a few I’ll probably never buy, but that’s personal taste for the subject matter. I cannot deny that they are well-put together movies. He has pretty much mastered his craft. 2.) the Dark Knight made Batman Begins look like it was shot in someone’s backyard over a long weekend. Now extrapolate what’s going to happen in this one from the Dark Knight. Anyone not excited for this movie is nursing a boner for the Joker which is the dork equivalent of all the rappers and hustler wannabes considering Scarface the end all be all of cinema.

Your move, Batman.

However for every Dark Knight, we get an X-Men 3. For every Spider-Man 2 there’s a Spider-Man 3. Actually, that’s inaccurate, because the breakdown is not one for one. For every X-Men 2 or Iron Man there’s like 12 Wanteds.

It doesn’t have to be that way, though. We can all, actually, collectively try and do better.

Fuck it. Tell Darwyn Cooke he's drawing everything, forever.

That sounds like work, and I know that people on both sides of this issue, nerds and Hollywood executives, are two of the most work-averse people on the planet, but most of this is easy, and is easier if we’re dealing with an established property.

What follows are my proposals to fix a few franchises. These in no way guarantee a movie will be good, a lot of the depends on writing, directing, acting, and since this all sci-fi/fantasy, art direction, but I think you’ll agree, steps toward the proper destination.
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The Fine Art of Superhero Costumery*

*may or may not be a word

Yesterday was kind of a weird day  for me, because I had two conversation with two different women, both about Captain America.

Which in the Land of Dorks, that’s known as a “Star-Spangled Twofer.”

One of the conversations turned to the topic of costumes, and one of the ladies mentioned that she was dressing up as Jean Grey for Comic-Con, and my first thought was, “should my erection be this painful?”

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